i'm not doing to well on my grad school apps. i'm in a depression rut where i just can't work on it. and i'm not sure where i wanna go with it. i'm trying to talk about how sex doesn't exist--that the presence of sex everywhere in the media has created a simulacrum (yeah i love using words that i don't even know how to pronounce. it's intellectual and academic types eat it up. hah), a copy of sex that is so close to the original that the original becomes unimportant. i'm not sure where i'm going with this i have been reading this book called "from atlantis to the sphinx" and it's basically talking about the theory of "atlantis" (using quotes since the word isn't really signifying the actual lost continent of atlantis, but rather the idea of a super-evolved race of beings pre-egypt). it's really very interesting. it shows all this proof that egypt couldn't have been the first "civilized" nation--that even with so-called technology today we couldn't build the pyramids. they tried doing this in china (i think) and ended up abandoning the project. there's also the whole wind-water erosion thing with the sphinx where this geologist discovered that the sphinx was actually eroded by water and not wind. this gets all the egyptologist's panties in a bunch cuz instead of the sphinx being built in 4300bc as they thought, it would have to place the building of it at around 10,400bc which is like way before we woulda ever thought possible. it also appears that some of the egyptian pottery was built with tools that are far more advanced than anything we have today. and there are all these maps of the south pole before it was covered by ice. some people say that are predecessors are actually aliens who gave everyone all this advanced info. anyway, what i'm most interested to read about is something that the author was talking about in the intro--that in order for these people to have all this scientific knowledge they had to think in completely different ways. it's called solar knowledge and lunar knowledge. solar knowledge is what we have today and is knowledge based on reason. lunar knowledge is what they would have had then and is based on intuition and a sense of the whole. i say kick ass and let's go back to that way. part of me really wants to get into this like egypt and ancient wisdom, magick and shit like that. it might be something to focus on other than how lame my life is. i mean, hey, if i can't be happy i might as well be psychotic oh and speaking of psychotic, i have a funny story to tell y'all. so this one time i was in my therapist's office and i had finally worked up the guts to tell her that i thought i was the messiah. i did. then looked at her to see whether she was about to put me in a straightjacket or something. instead she was just like "and how does this make you feel?" i said "psy-chotic." she just laughed and said that i'm not psychotic--that psychotic people are out of touch with reality. hmmmmm.... mail|past entries|headtrip