i spend a lot of time thinking. i spend a lot of time self-analyzing. i think a lot about how i feel and what prompts me to feel that way. taking a class in oral history my senior year, i thought about the stories that i tell about myself and what they mean about my views on life, my values, and my beliefs. i think that it's a great way to facilitate self-reflection. the litmus test that i used on myself was to ask "if someone asked me to tell a story about my family, what story would i tell?" picking the one story that i *know* i would tell, shows a lot about who i am. here is that story:
my great-grandmother lived in ireland during the War With The British {that's what we'd call it and i'm not sure how far that really extends}. during that time, the men joined the irish republican arm and the women stayed at home and sewed death shrouds which the soldiers were buried in. one day the british army came to my great-grandmother's house looking for her brother, who was in the ira. they told her that either she would tell them where her brother was, or they would kill her. she told them to wait at the door and she would be back. when she returned, she was wearing a death shroud. she said to the soldiers "i am ready now."
is this a real story? i couldn't say for sure. it's a story that i remember being told as a young girl. i was told it was written in a book somewhere and some days i remember reading it, but we no longer seem to have that book. it very well could be about someone who wasn't related to me at all. does it matter that it may not have really happened, or that it may not have had anything to do with my family? i don't think so. the point is that it's a story that was passed down to me, and it's a story that i will pass on to my child(ren). it shows that my sense of "family" extends beyond the nuclear family. (and in real life i often extend my notions of "family" to include my friends as well). it shows how deeply i believe in devotion to one's family (and friends)--that i too would sooner die than turn you in. yet the underbelly of that, is that i expect that kind of devotion back. (and i often am very disappointed when people don't offer that same kind of devotion)
i sometimes think of my family as being sorta old-fashioned in a weird sort of dukes of hazzard fashion. i've thought long and hard to come up with that analogy and i'm not sure that it fits exactly, but i think you get my drift. if you fuck with one of us, you will fuck with all of us. and i'm more likely to stand up for my family or friends than i am than i am to stand up for myself. they've taught me that. and i am way better for it.
headtrip|
no secrets|
next|
mail
